some sugar, a certificate, a goose and a fork

magic is not something to be toyed with.

but when you're fourteen, when you're in love and when she, who is seventeen, doesn't give a goose-wobble about whether you live or die... you've gotta try your hand at playing god. you gotta try your hand at something or the only thing you'll be handling... is well... you know.

well you do.

the plan was to meet at bertie's. to get her mum out of the house... maybe tell her kmart was having a sale, or there was an old lady down the road with a fork stuck in her throat, or (if neither of those worked), maybe set the back shed on fire. uncle jimmy had done it once before and bertie's mum sure didn’t have time to worry about bertie then.

in a saucepan - we place a cup full of sugar, hair from bertie's dog beetle and seven cups of water. we stir it till it boils and tip in seven drops of red food colouring. when the colour has soaked through the hair - we carefully collect each strand and rub them together, to create a kind furball. once all the hair is tightly interlaced; we stretch it into an ellipse shape. then we apply.

that was all the kit said.

so we did it, using the kmart excuse.

but all the magic in the world couldn’t make ms certificate fall in love with me and my dog hair moustache.